How to say no: validate people and projects

We’re talking about the art of saying ‘No’ at work and how to finesse this with respect to work styles. I’m using Market Force styles — Control, Influence, Power and Authority — to illustrate how handing a deluge of projects and requests at work by saying no can challenge each work style.

In my last post, I listed these two lessons:

Lesson one for Controls: Balance time discussing what you’re working on with a healthy debate on why. This is because Controls often handle being overwhelmed by becoming micro-managers.

Lesson two for Influences: People are more important than projects. Influences will be sure they know it, but must be sensitive to people with other styles who might feel like they’re wasting time in meetings. They must also avoid over-promising (a habit because they value relationships).

And now here are the rest.

Lesson three: It’s not about time, it’s about value: validate your projects and contributors

For those with the Power work style, busybusybusy is kind of a drug. When they say, “Oh, I have a million things on my plate right now! I’m working 60-plus hour weeks and still have more to do,” they’re not complaining. They’re bragging. The subtext is “Look how important and indispensible I am!”

The strategy to deal with these folks is not to discount their to-do list, or to try to talk them into saying no to non-essential projects. That’s because a foundation of their self-worth is connected to adding value to each of these projects.

Instead, to get your project more of their attention, spend time describing how important their contributions will be to your project’s success.

Lesson four: Whether yes or no, bravely and clearly say so

If you’re making the decision to say no to something, communication is essential. I’ve noticed that many executives pick their battles (that is, they only respond to some emails, they only accept some meetings) but fail to communicate to their team and colleagues that decision.

It’s clear in their minds, but erodes the trust subordinates place in them.

For those with an Authority work style, having an impact is key. They assess that something isn’t important, and so they move on to other projects. But the product of this choice is that subordinates and colleagues feel they are making judgments without producing value (they often confuse assessment with accomplishment).

It creates the sentiment that the Authority “showed up, told me all the reasons why my project stinks or won’t work, and then left without lending a hand to get this solved.”

The lesson for all of us is that we need to own and justify our choices for getting involved in projects — or not. Leaving your team to wonder why you haven’t responded will simply produce resentment.